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[tiedyedave]

I'm going to miss college.

I don't have a clear perception yet of what new and exciting things are in store upon my graduation and advancement into the "real world", whether that be of industry or graduate study. The future seems somehow less compelling and chromatic than it did when I was younger. I'm not even 21 yet! Why do I feel so old?

Too many questions keeping me up at night. Will age make me brittle, square, and unchanging? What's the deal with death? Now that I have left the sandbox of religion, can I ever go back? Will I get into a good graduate school? Do I have the AI-fu to show them all up and solve computer-consciousness in 20 years instead of 200? Will I ever reach a relationship that meets my psychotic prerequisites for life-long-ness? Do I have the right to ask people to help me with my problems when they have more of their own? Am I pissing away my life in useless introspection?

Sometimes it would be really nice to just stop thinking for a while.

Comments

[fleaplus.livejournal.com]

> Do I have the AI-fu to show them all up and solve computer-consciousness in 20 years instead of 200?

Out of curiosity, do you have any idea what sort of research path you might take towards this? I'm starting to lean towards the path of attempting to model and understand the neural systems of fairly simple organisms first, and then working upwards from there.

[sleepsong.livejournal.com]

::hug::

Will age make me brittle, square, and unchanging?

Only if you let it. I don't think it's age that's doing that to you, though. I think it's the fact that you worry too much about everything and everyone, and eventually you'll just snap and become unwilling to change for anything or anyone.

What's the deal with death?

Man, if I could answer that question, I'd be rolling in money from my latest book tour.

Now that I have left the sandbox of religion, can I ever go back?

Yes. If anything, should you ever regain some sort of religious conviction, it will come back five-fold. Just... don't try too hard.

Will I get into a good graduate school?

Depends on how many you apply to. According to statistics and whatnot, if you apply to all of the top graduate schools in your field, you're bound to get into one. You're brilliant. You have a sparkling academic record. You have the Blums writing recommendations for you (even my dad was impressed by that when I told him). Now just make sure that those grad schools know you're a genius (which you are, whether you choose to believe it or not), and you're fine.

C'mon. I got into Carnegie Mellon. If I can do that, you can get into MIT (or its AI equivalent).

Do I have the AI-fu to show them all up and solve computer-consciousness in 20 years instead of 200?

Do we even know it's possible to achieve computer consciousness? If it is, I still don't know if you (or anyone, for that matter) has the AI-fu to get it done in 20 years, but you do have the ability to generate a significant amount of research, and in the long run that's the important part. You may not solve it. In fact, not to be pessimistic, but you probably won't. But it's quite likely that you will stumble across something without which scientists would never be able to create AI. If you can deal with that, then you will be fine.

Will I ever reach a relationship that meets my psychotic prerequisites for life-long-ness?

Umm... Given what I know about your psychotic prerequisites for life-long-ness, no. People like that don't exist. But that aside, you'll find someone. Don't worry. One day, you'll look at Julie (or someone else), and just suddenly realize, "What was I thinking? This is it! She's the one!"

Do I have the right to ask people to help me with my problems when they have more of their own?

Yes. Absolutely yes. Just because some people have more problems than you, doesn't make you any more able to deal with your own, and doesn't make them any less willing to help. ::offers help, if you'll take it::

Am I pissing away my life in useless introspection?

Yes. Stop sitting there and worrying and go out and actually do something. You're worried about not getting into a good grad school? Start filling out applications right now. You're worried about your contributions to AI? Start researching at this exact moment. You're worried about becoming bitter and closed minded? Start doing things that will open your horizons right away. Try new things. Do something random. Just don't sit there and moan about things that haven't happened yet. Self-fulfilling prophesies and whatnot.

::love:: IM me sometime if you'd like to talk. You're a good friend, and I will not let good friends be sucked down by things like this.

[theadana.livejournal.com]

"Sometimes it would be really nice to just stop thinking for a while."

Amen, brother.

[nickjong.livejournal.com]

Ah, Dave, you ask many difficult questions, all of which concern far off destinations. My advice: worry more about the steps along the way. Do not lose sight of these questions entirely, for they give you direction, but you'll find the ultimate answers in the journey.

In other words: do not forget the lessons AI has taught you! An exhaustive search of the state space is intractable! You form your heuristics, take your actions, obtain some more information, reevaluate.

[rdore.livejournal.com]

Thinking about questions which are that open ended or unanswerable is no doubt immediately frustrating. Despite that, it's something I would never wish a way as a more than passing whim. But that's very much a matter of personal taste, YMMV.